Giving it All Up

I don't want to give up everything to lose weight!

You say "At my age, the way to meet people is happy hour. In college I was the drinker and it is expected of me." Firstly, aren't there other places you can meet people too? What do you do for a living? What kind of hobbies? If you have a spiritual outlet, there's that. If you're in school, there are clubs. If you join a gym, there's people there. Find some place where people share interests with you that don't deal with drinking. I know there are other places.

However, let's say you really do want to continue to go to bars. Maybe you enjoy that scene. Then, the answer I gave above won't help because if you're not ready to (or don't want to) change your lifestyle, you won't move ahead with the program. (Not judging, just sorting out possibilities.) If that is the case, could you go "once in a while?" Could you go with a friend and tell her that you will only have x drinks or x points or x food. That way, you'll still have fun and you won't overeat. Honestly, going to the bar is not the cause of the weight, it's eating and drinking too much when at the bar. Plan your points in advance. Bank some. Go - but go with a plan.

Next comment is that "it's expected of you." I want to point out that it's your life. You're 30. You get to do what YOU want to do. If you don't want to be a drinker, don't. In college, people expected lots of things of us that we don't anymore. We've changed. Question the expectations. If you're doing it for "them," then you'll eat because of pressure also - even if you do lose the weight - and you'll put it back on. If you drink because of pressure - you'll do that do and put your weight back on. If you're honest with yourself and you realize (if this is indeed the case) that you're doing this because you want to and not because if it's expected of you, than you can make the choice(s) to handle it differently. You might still choose to do it - but you'll control it. Remember about others leading your life: "If you run my life, you get two. I don't get any. That's not fair." Each of us has one life. Do what YOU want.

Finally, your other comment, "Now, I can't eat "bar" food, I can't drink those drinks so I simply don't go out. Now I am spending time alone and that makes me want to eat!!!"

You CAN eat bar food. Just not as much. Actually, you can eat as much as you'd like. You just won't get the results you stated that you want. I tell people before eating to ask three questions: "Do I want it? Is it worth it? Can I afford it?" if the answer to all three is "yes," go for it! If the answer to any of them is "no" or "I don't know" then say "not right now." it's just like shopping. Whether it be a new dress or a new house, you ask those questions. When you're out, ask the questions and follow your answer.

If you make yourself a "food leper" and stay at home and away from food, you'll become depressed and angry and you'll quit your program. The solution is to balance it. Find new ways to amuse yourself. Learn to have some of the food some of the time. Do some of your old habits - just do them in a more controlled situation and less often.

I'd love to say you can keep doing what you've always done. I could say that. It would be true. So instead, I remind you "if you always do, what you've always done, you'll always be where you've always been." You don't sound content right now in your life. I applaud you for making change. Don't do it all - just do ONE thing. Pick any one of the habits and work on that ONE. Then, add another when you're ready.

This is a process of enjoyment and fun. Focus on that.

For comments and questions: ScottQ@THINspiration.com

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